Reality Check...

Just going to be very real with y'all. The events of this past year have left me in a funk. A few months ago it hit me that I wasn't even breathing, you know like healthy breathing, I couldn't even whistle (and believe me I used to love to whistle). So I began being very intentional with my breathing. During my walks and just throughout the day I will breath.

I kept telling myself that once I hit that 1 year mark life would be better. Well that day has come and went, even with a God surprise, yet I am still stuck. See the rug got pulled out from underneath me and it wasn't just the event that effected me but it was the ripple effect. When all of the deception would be bared, the truth shined. A truth and reality that was so full of lies and deception I literally could not and still cannot wrap my head around it.

As I look back now it has become so clear just how much I was being carried, helped along by our Heavenly Father. I shudder to think of what I would have done to myself...yes, death was an option that played in my thoughts. Yet, no matter what I would wake up ready to face the day. A frequent prayer of mine was "God, if you want me to move forward wake me up tomorrow, give me a purpose". Every single day He woke me up, then it became my choice what I would do with that new day I was blessed with.

Full disclosure, there were way more days than I want to admit that I stayed curled up in a fetal position just not wanting to experience anything that day. The really sad part, I was living a dream a prayer answered, and I was not "living it". I was merely existing, that is not how I or any of us were created to live. We are called to be the light and mine was so dim, well lets just put it this way... why would anyone want to learn anything from me? I was so wrapped up in the why's, what ifs ... I couldn't even help myself.

I went through 20 life altering events in the last 12 months, that comes out to just shy of 2 a month... crazy. I sit and reflect and there is only one way I survived, He was right beside me the entire way. Even to the point that as I was walking the other day I actually envisioned Jesus right beside me, encouraging me, being my rock, my guide...

I truly do try every day to be in a better place, I also give God all the glory and praise for bringing me this far. For having the path paved before me. I have this right beside my bed, I see it every morning, night and any time between. Jeremiah 29:11-13, this verse was prayed over me by my Mentor...this is my life verse and I will continue to call out to Him for direction and guidance.