What is your “never again”

I swore I would “never” get another tattoo…. The fact is life has been really difficult for quite a few months now.. Anxiety through the roof… in my home I can look at just about any wall, table, stand and see calming quotes…when I am out of my little pink bubble…nope.

I remember when Katie came to live with me and we had to see counselors I would freak out because how do you raise a child? With my memory gone I was clueless… I would jokingly say “I need Valium” and then I would promptly be reminded who I was in Christ, Jesus had me I just needed to lay it down… it worked then… Jesus was definitely carrying me through those valleys…

So I guess in some ways this doesn’t say much for my walk at the moment… I lay it down but it just keeps coming. The attacks have been brutal… I knew if I could see “Just breathe” whenever I needed to it would help… hence where the tattoo comes in…

The day we went to get it, unbeknownst to Sara I was praying as was Lisa that I would get the artist that would do what I needed… I freaked out when I walked in and I saw how big it was going to be… Had I been alone I would have walked out… As God would have it they took Sara in first and unfortunately she was feeling terrible the entire time because in her eyes it was to be about me… little did she know that I needed that extra time to pray through this and come up with a tattoo that tells a beautiful story of my trials…

At the bottom is the flower stem/arrow going into the “just breathe” with the semi-colon as my story is not over yet… the head of the arrow for moving forward with Christ. Dandelion on top which I did not realize dandelions are a symbol for hope… I wanted it done in blue as that is the color of the ocean and the sky.. a few claim blue stands for Gods Healing Mercies and some have even written Gods favorite color(?)…

I was asked several times what I had against black… the darkness, death, depression.. having struggled with suicide attempts I just couldn’t have the black ink it would have had the opposite effect… this blue is perfect… even while the bandage was on I would feel myself flipping and I would just lay my fingers over the just breathe and it reminded me to do what I wasn’t… breathing… The bandage came off today and I love it!!! I was scared what it would really look like, it was all messy and smeared I was sure I had ruined it but no, delicate was the word Sara used… and that is what I see…

Blessed